There are no bad owners, only bad dogs


Public Service Announcement

Due to searches that have inadvertently led people to my blog, I am going to perform a public service today and answer some questions that apparently bother a lot of people:

1. Is cheese bad for dogs?

No, it's not bad for dogs in moderation. Dogs shouldn't eat much people food, but since they like to eat cat poop and roll in dead critters, it's clear that cheese isn't going to kill them. Chocolate is bad for dogs, though.

2. Are there retarded dogs?

Read a few past entries here. Obviously.

3. Can a head transplant be performed on dogs?

A Chinese researcher did (sometime in the 50's or 60's) transplant one dog's head onto another dog's body, retaining the head on the original dog to create a two-headed dog. This, people, is why there are animal rights groups. They're not just there to annoy you. I can't find evidence of the "experiment" mentioned above, but I did see a photograph of the "patient" once. Another dude also does head transplants on rhesus monkeys, and presumably has done so on dogs also.

4. How does one manage frizzy hair on dogs?

How the fuck should I know? I can't manage my own white girl 'fro.

5. Is pizza bad for dogs?

See #1. See entry in which I list things Katy has eaten. See how shiny and healthy Katy is. Reach conclusion.

6. My dog ate ibuprofen.

How much? Ibuprofen in small doses is not bad for dogs, but just like with people, too much can damage a dog's liver.

7. Do you have any advice for nose pickers?

Break your own nose.

That's enough good deed for today.

I am having ONE OF THOSE DAYS. I had to drive to work twice this morning, because the first time I had left my laptop at home. On my second trip to work, the needle was almost on the E, necessitating a $30 trip to the gas station.

Yesterday the first new mattress I have ever had was delivered. It's a queen size, so I had to go to Target for sheets and a comforter (I ended up with a whole lot of other stuff, but, ya know, it's TARGET for Christ's sake -- I can't just not buy crap). The comforter is was very pretty -- a lovely floral pattern embroidered on the quilt sqares with ribbon.


Katy cannot stand for there to exist in the universe things that are loose and/or bumpy. She bites the tags out of shirts because IT'S JUST STICKING UP THERE AND ASKING TO BE BITTEN OFF. She nibbles buttons off sweaters because she has to. Shall I leave you to conclude for yourselves how she felt about those embroidered flowers just poking up and MOCKING HER? Yes, there are dogs who are retarded.

I'm going to call EduTech today and ask them to hire me. I have seen no progress in the La-Z-Boy situation at work and I believe that the odd sensation I felt in my butt a couple of weeks ago is the result of having smoke blown up there.

Yesterday morning when I was walking the dogs, we were in this yard, and Buster was pooping (he fires those turds out of there like rockets!) and I was picking up the poop in a plastic bag because I'm just nice like that. This old lady in a HOUSE COAT comes out and yells at me to take my dogs to my own yard to do that. I yelled back that I was picking it up, but she wasn't having any! She again yelled that I should stay in my own yard, so I told her that if she didn't like it she should call the police. What the hell is a house coat for, anyway? Will the concept die when the last of the cranky old ladies croaks, or will a whole new generation be fooled into thinking that this is somehow an acceptable garment? We walked past there again this morning, but unfortunately no one had to poop just then. I tried, but it just wasn't there.

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birth & death