I complain, therefore I am.
I am considering changing the name of this journal to “Things That Have Annoyed Me Recently,” for obvious reasons.
I am supposed to be working, but I just keep staring at the screen and keyboard, and no educational words are flowing like a crisp, clear mountain stream from my fingertips. I hate that.
- Last night I had yet another “What’s that smell?” moment. Well, I actually knew what the smell was, so it would probably be better described as a “Where’s that smell coming from?” moment. Deep experience in this arena led me to conclude that the best place to start would be under the couch. (I just rearranged my living room furniture, so I had recently fished a lot of crap out from under there: socks, pig ears, books, magazines, dog hair tumbleweeds), so I tipped it forward, but all I saw was a clump of dryer lint. Well, since the couch was already upended, I just went ahead and scooted that clump out of there (really, my natural inclination was to leave it there, since it was harming no one and hiding quite effectively). When I scooted it, I noticed that a) it was heavier than lint should be, and b) it had eyeballs. I also noticed that it had visible stink lines waving out of it. Lint, schmint! I says. This is no lint wad. This is the corporeal remains of a baby bird. We had a brief ceremony wherein one of the officiants tried to eat the deceased, then I buried the youngster in the trash. Outside. Far away.
- Nancy Grace. I probably should just end it there, but on top of being annoyed that she is allowed to speak on television, I was recently annoyed by this headline that she screeched at me: The 21-year old judge’s daughter who was kidnapped… Now, it sucks that anyone was kidnapped, but that’s way beyond annoying. The annoying part is that WHAT? The judge was 21 years old? How could that be? Is Doogie Howser a judge now? Someone at CNN needs to learn how to diagram a sentence. Better: The 21-year old daughter of a reasonably aged judge…
- Angela was not booted off Project Runway last week. Is there no justice in the world? Did you see the stupid hooker outfit? Sure, the green tank dress was kind of boring and not very original, but at least it didn't make anyone guffaw.
- Due to a small number of human deaths from rabies, a county in China decreed that no more dogs should be allowed to live there, so they just beat 50,000 of them to death. This is, of course, like kidnapping, far worse than just annoying, but I am annoyed that I can’t do a damn thing about it and that we have any diplomatic relations at all with a nation whose government slaughters innocents.
- Shampoo bottles hold the same amount of product as conditioner bottles, but I use more conditioner per use than I do shampoo. This means I always have 14 partly-filled bottles of shampoo around.
On the plus side:
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- I saw a baby skunk the other night. It was crunching away on cat food that the Pet Nazi puts out every night. It was so intent on eating, it didn’t notice the human and two dogs staring at it until Katy (in her usual genius way) barked at it. Lucky for all of us, it waddled under the bushes instead of getting sweet revenge.
- San Antonio (and maybe the rest of the world) is currently swathed in butterflies. Not monarchs (too early), but smaller ones. This causes me to swerve frequently when driving so as to avoid hitting little clouds of them. The greggers says that I shouldn’t bother avoiding them because they can fly and will just dodge the car. All of the tiny wings stuck to the front of every car in the HEB parking lot prove that he is wrong.