There are no bad owners, only bad dogs



Dearest person who is frequently looking for information about LABRAMUTES and stumbles across this blog:

You really shouldn’t simply click back out, because careful reading of my archives will go far to fill you in on the delights and dangers of owning a labramute (aka malador).

The recent trend toward “designer dogs" irritates me almost as much as the insistence of some on owning only a purebred.* However, if you are lucky enough to stumble upon something as enchanting as a labramute, open your car door and invite it on in. You have discovered a rare treat.

Buster was almost fully grown when we found him, so I don’t know if housebreaking him was difficult or not. I can tell you that he has never leaked a single drop of urine in the house. He leaks a lot of drool and puts out his wiener all of the time, though. Even a neutered labramute likes the ladies!

Your basic labramute has the overall appearance of a lab with many small, subtle differences. For example, your classic lab tends to slope down the back toward compact hindquarters, while a labramute in its Buster form has long, lanky back legs. A lab has a short, fat tail, quite unlike the labramute. Buster’s tail is long and curly. The happier he is, the tighter the curl. Exhibit A: HAPPY!

He is quite large, which leads away from the “Chow Mix Hypothesis” that has been bandied about. He is clearly a mixture of something at least as big as, if not bigger than, your standard male lab. Plus there’s no purple on the tongue.

While the fur of the labramute is probably more labby than mute-y, it can be a lot thicker and have some quirky little variations, like silvery gray toes and a white blaze on the chest.

As for personality, forget about it. This dog has the best personality you can find. He’s happy without being frantic, silly without being out of control, and alert without being a nervous mess (e.g., he is nothing like Katy). He sleeps about 21 hours a day, pausing occasionally to bark at the mailman.

When he does run, though, it’s with the speed and muscular grace of the malamute ancestors. He loves to just go full speed every now and then. If he crashes into you at that speed, go ahead and phone the orthopedic surgeon and order some of those new plastic knees. Yours will be bending in the wrong direction from now on.

Bad habits, you query? A few. He chases the three-legged cat on rare occasions (you may be able to avoid this habit by not having a three-legged cat). He prefers eating trash to anything else (except cat shit) (put some cat shit into the trash and you have yourself a banquet). He may begin chasing cars at some point, but only if barked at by a moving car. He really seems a lot better than he really is, because he’s got Katy (worst dog ever, except maybe Tucker) as the standard against which he is measured.

So, labramute searcher, best of luck in your quest! If you do find this gem of a dog, rest assured that eating cheese, avocados, underwear, shrimp tails, cat crap, rats, baby birds, and band aids will not harm him, as long as these are consumed in moderation.

*Ranting on this topic coming soon!

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