There are no bad owners, only bad dogs



It only makes sense that if you lop a limb off someone, the things that someone used to do with that limb can no longer be done. So it was that when Junebug had his smelly leg lopped off, I was mostly concerned about his ability to walk, climb, and jump, as these are the primary responsibilities of a hind leg. The going was tough for a while, and he was frustrated a LOT, but he has acclimated quite well. He uses his tail as a rudder when he runs and as a counterweight when he walks. He has built up a lot of upper body strength (I think he could pull himself up into an air shaft ) and climbs onto places he used to leap to. The only lingering issue that I had noticed was that it has been 5 months since his incident, and the hair on his tail still hasn’t grown back all the way. And his tail was uninjured – it was just covered in crap.

What I hadn’t noticed at all until recently was that a cat’s hind limbs have other important jobs, such as scratching the cat’s neck and face. Yesterday I was petting Junebug and started scratching his head. He seems to have some sort of kitty orgasm and shoved the right side of his face into my hand, demanding more, more, MORE scratching on that side. If I tried to switch to the other side of his head, he said, “MOW!” and shoved the right side against my hand again. Five minutes of hard scratching later, he was collapsed on his back on my bed with his little chicken wing-shaped stump pumping rhythmically in the air, his phantom leg scritch-scritching away at his neck and head, which have apparently been itchy for 5 long months.

So, Project Runway. What a disappointing finale. Daniel’s collection looked like random crap pulled out of someone’s closet circa 1988. Santino’s was bland. Chloe’s looked like ghetto prom. Too shiny. I should have just gone to Red Lobster with Andrae instead of watching. But afterward, there was the new version of Hell’s Kitchen, aka Project Cooking, or something like that (Top Chef), which includes this guy, who seems to be a fine chef with madd skilz, but appears to have Down Syndrome, also known as “that thing that Corky guy had.”

I sit right next to our Customer Service phone bank here at EduMart. All day long, I hear one side of a conversation with a very angry teacher on the other end of the phone. All day, I hear “Ma’am… Ma’am… Ma’am… I apologize… Ma’am…” Because we can’t stop fucking up. “Ma’am… Can you tell me the tracking number? Ma’am…” There has to be a better way to make a living. Next week, the next big shakedown is scheduled to occur and it has been bowel-wrenchingly painful to just sit and wait. “Ma’am… Put the cursor in the navigation bar… It’s the little arrow…” Click HERE for my resume.

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birth & death