There are no bad owners, only bad dogs


In which I bore you to tears.

Oh, major suckage at the updating!! I have the tendency to get some sort of twitch or tic whenever I get really stressed and overwhelmed. In the past this twitch has located itself on my eyelid, making me look a bit serial-killerish. Right now it's just above my left knee. Every 15 seconds or so: SpazzZZ! zzt. I think I have late onset Tourette's Syndrome, because I'm twitching AND swearing a lot. But it's medical in nature, so I am allowed, MOTHER FUCKER.

This weekend the HURRICANE CAME THROUGH. Not a single drop of rain. Hardly a cloud in the sky. There was hardly any bottled water left at the store, so I was forced to stock up on Mike's Hard Lime. And drink it.

On Friday, I took Pumpernickel to the veterinary allergist and paid $218 to learn that she's allergic to mosquito bites and that she should stay indoors all of the time. She was very sweet and affectionate the whole time we were there -- purring and rubbing on everyone. The vet wanted to look at fluid from her pustules under the microscope (still, not worth $218), so he rubbed a glass slide across her nose, then started chatting with me and got distracted from his original task, and Pumpy started licking the nose juice off the slide. So he's in mid-sentence and I yelled "That's disgusting!" He looked a bit hurt, then I pointed out that Pumpernickel was licking her own scab juice, and he agreed that it was, indeed, disgusting.

I took it upon myself during this weekend of solitude to re-pave my front walkway, because it was so uneven that when I walked out to the car in the morning, I had to jump from stone to stone like I was fording the mighty Rio Grande (not mighty or grand at all -- they drive cars into it to wash them), and when I came home from a social outing (i.e., drunk), I was always afraid I'd fall and break my hip. So I pulled all of the flagstones out and disturbed the nests of about a billion ants who ran around carrying their babies. They were probably screaming, but I just couldn't hear them. Then on Saturday, I went to Home Depot and transferred about 600 lbs. of sand and rocks onto a wheely cart, then again from the wheely cart to the car. My car looked like a low-rider Subaru. I was so wishing for spinners and one of those tiny chain steering wheels. I was afraid I'd break an axle or my tires would explode, but we made it home OK (me and the car). Then I transferred the 600 lbs. of sand and rock out of the car. Then I was really really rilly tired, but I spread it out anyway. That's like I lifted 1800 lbs!! Then I started replacing the stones. Then I thought I was going to die of heat stroke, so I went inside and dogs licked the sweat off my face. Yes, just my face. Then I watched TV til I stopped sweating and tried to finish the job, then I was SURE I was going to die, so I only got about 2/3 done on Saturday and left the rest til Sunday, when I finished before it got hotter that hell. So I obviously had a fun weekend. Add homework to that, and you can see that no one knows how to have fun quite like I do.

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