There are no bad owners, only bad dogs


The Pinnocchio Effect

Announcement to people who have babies:

When your baby hits puberty, he/she/it will no longer be cute, even to you. It will be sluggish, slothful, resentful, and sticky. And you know that cute little button nose on that baby? It will turn into a SCHNOZZ, a BEEZER, a big honkin NOSE that is no longer cute nor proportional. I see pictures of my kid and I say "Hey! This is a picture of a nose. Where's the rest?" And then I lean to the side and say "Ooooh. There he is. Behind the schnozz." Just be ready. I wish someone had warned me.

I got the BEST. BIRTHDAY. PRESENT. EVER. because I was given (like, for free) a digital camera! Woot! So instead of describing cuteness, I can now show it to the Internet. Coming soon: Kitten with scabby ears, dog eating scabs from kitten's ears, dogs humping! Cute! Thanks to the greggers, who will allow me to share photos of hairballs, petrified possums, and a dog with 7 nipples!

This morning the dogs were playing Crazy Front Yard Game ® and it reminded me of the Shriners in the July 4th parades, zipping around in intricate patterns in their tiny cars, never actually crashing, but coming so close it took your breath away. Do Shriners still do that? This morning the dogs were running so fast and almost crashing into each other -- the only thing missing was the little fez on each of their heads.

Anyone else boycotting "War of the Worlds" due to rabid hatred of that vitamin-swilling cretin? Anyone? Want your money and time back for stumbling across "Collateral" on Showtime? Anyone? Are we done with him yet? Can we run over our copies of "Jerry Maguire" and "Rain Man" now?

Back to turning crap into high-quality educational products that will guarantee a happy and productive future for all of America.

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birth & death