There are no bad owners, only bad dogs


Ummm, we lost at the Alamo. Right?

Today I feel like roadkill. Not like I'd enjoy having some roadkill, but like I am roadkill. So lower your already sensibly low expectations before you begin. There. That's better.

In a TOTALLY UNRELATED piece of news, we went to yet another Fiesta event last night. This one was even funnier than the last, because at the last one we went to, the crowd wasn't completely white. Last night's crowd was so white you had to squint to keep from being blinded. This is funny because although this whole drink-a-thon that is Fiesta was started to honor the heroes of the Alamo, there's a ton of Mexican influence on the whole thing. But at last night's event, the only Hispanic people there were the entertainers -- dancers in their big flowy skirts with huge paper flowers stuck in their bunned-up hair and a singer whose name I can't remember, but I kept asking Greg "Is her name Patty Melt?" because that's what it sounded like. Everyone else was Whitey McWhiterson and/or Richie Rich. The Fiesta Soul Queen was also there to show how diverse we are and boy howdy, was she easy to spot in the crowd. But it was mostly white accompanied by TONS of plastic surgery and a lot of really awful fashion choices. People seem to think that sparkly = good so blinding splarkly = better. Anyhoo, I met a work colleague's wife for the first time, and although I got hot dogs for her children, I'm sure she thinks I'm a total ass because I couldn't remember her first name and I kept calling her Mrs. O'Brien (name changed slightly to protect the innocent). So maybe she's right. I am a total ass.

We have friends who own a ServPro franchise. You may have seen commercials for the service which include the tagline "Like it never even happened." So this got me thinking about other ways that our friends could grow their business. Besides fire and water damage, what sorts of things would you want to make like they "never even happened"? So I've come up with the concept of RelationshipServPro.

Say you've had an affair during a business trip. You think that you're safe because it happened out of town and that you've covered your tracks completely. Dude, how many people get busted for this very thing all of the time? I don't know either, but according to what I see on Lifetime and WE, it's a lot. How can you be sure that you're in the clear? Who can make it all OK so you don't have to worry? RelationshipServPro will come in and make it like it never even happened. Receipts? Gone. Souvenir underpants? Burned, ashes sprinkled over NJ landfill. Cell phone evidence? Erased, blocked, disappeared. Inconvenient housekeeping staff with long memory and expensive drug habit? Well, you fill in the blanks.

RelationshipServPro has already formed some strategic partnerships with pig farmers, landscapers, and Wendy's suppliers as ways of making inconvenient details go away ("What's this class ring doing in my chili?").

RelationshipServPro. Like it never even happened.

In other COMPLETELY UNRELATED news, I would like some people to know that it really WAS Sheena Easton and NOT Sheila E who sang "Morning Train." Sometimes even a moron is right.

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birth & death