There are no bad owners, only bad dogs


An entry sans purpose.

I will bet you one bazillion dollars that this guy ends up living on my street. Because that's the sort of nut magnet I am.

He ASKED to be chemically castrated. Because he KNOWS he'll re-offend. And by re-offend, I don't mean he'll burp the alphabet, or that he'll eat his salad with his soup fork or leave a floater in the bowl. I mean that the man is SMART enough to know that he has compulsions that are evil, but that he can't control and he wants -- nay -- needs help. Did he get that help? No. Can someone explain to me why rhinoplasty or gastric bypass are elective procedures but voluntary chemical castration isn't? Wha--? In a related note, is it a coincidence that these words are used int this news story: unusually stiff ???

I've strayed a bit from the original purpose of this blog, which was to relate tales of how bad my dogs are. My big boy has recently developed an appallingly awful habit -- he goes apeshit when we walk past another dog on a leash. A dog behind a fence? Not worth his time. Dog on leash? This causes all kinds of lurching, barking, and dislocating of my arm. Dude, the dog pulls so hard HE SPILLS MY DRINK. He's a bad dog. Tonight we had Several Moments of Obedience Training. We followed that with Pop the Lady's Arm Back into the Socket time. He has finally figured out the simple equation of Lift Paw = Yummy Treats. Now he lifts his paw whenever I make eye contact with him. I used to be afraid due to the fact that Katy might be the brains of the operation. Now I worry that either of them thinks he/she is in charge. Calling their brains "walnuts" is an insult to walnuts everywhere. On Saturday, I left about a quarter of a pound of cheese curds unattended in the kitchen, and they disappeared along with the plastic bag they were in. On Sunday, I had to pull that same plastic bag out of Katy's butt, as she was able to poop it only halfway out.

I only hope that someone is right now training a helper dog that will pull bags out of my ass in two years when I am declared legally incompetent and morally redundant. And I hope it doesn't fart like these things do. Because my eyes are watering.

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