There are no bad owners, only bad dogs


There were guts everywhere.

I just got an e-mail telling me that the 17 pounds of cheese I ordered online is on its way.

No, there's no decimal point missing. That's right. Seventeen pounds.

There are these things called cheese curds that you seem to be able to get only in the Midwest. They are salty and delicious and they are sold in every store and back alley and tavern in Wisconsin. If you live in Texas, you have to order them online. They freeze well, so I bought a lot of them.

Can you hear the guffaws of laughter coming from the vicinity of Albuquerque? That's the greggers, off on bidness travel (i.e., charging hookers and eight balls to the company), laughing because he knows that I can/will consume all of the curds in a timely fashion, rendering the freezer unneeded. The curds arrive tomorrow and he's not coming home til Saturday, so it's unlikely that he'll get any at all.

So, I had a hard time falling asleep last night (meaning that I was up past 11). After I did fall asleep, the following happened:

I woke up to the sound of dog and cat screaming. I couldn't tell where it was coming from - inside or out. I started walking down the dark hallway, then I thought (to myself, like I'd be thinking to anyone else...), "I'm still asleep and this is a dream. Go back to bed." So I went back to bed, where I woke up properly and thought, "No, that dog and cat screaming really happened. There are no dogs in my bed which is unheard of." But because I was in a sleepy stupor, I just fell back asleep.

I woke up this morning at the bottom of a pile of pets, which is business as usual Chez les Chiens. Got up, put shoes on, peed, grabbed Diet Coke from fridge, and prepared to walk dogs.

There on my living room floor was the eviscerated corpse of a grackle. Ah. That explains a thing or two - where is CSI San Antonio when you need them? I believe a kitten brought a not-yet-quite-dead bird into the house last night and the dogs wanted a piece of that action and that caused the screaming. "Mine!" "No, mine!" "I caught it!" "I weigh 75 pounds!" "I have needles on the ends of my toes!" "Ow!"

I can't find a sound file of a grackle anywhere and I don't know how common they are in other areas. They make these weird metallic skronky noises and roost in enourmous groups. They prefer pooping on cars to any other activity except skronking. I think that being disemboweled is relatively low on their list of preferred activities.

I forgot to pick up the snake that the kittens were playing with yesterday (because they were still playing with it when I left for work and it was so cute. And gross. But cute, too.) and when I got home, it was nowhere to be found, meaning that in all likelihood, Katy ate it. I hope it doesn't get stuck in her butt on its way out. Because that's not cute at all.

Last night I successfully installed a wireless card in my new laptop. It was difficult because there were kittens sticking their faces into the innards of my computer. But it was all worth it, because now I can blog and poop at the same time. Not that I am. But I could be. But I'm not.

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birth & death