There are no bad owners, only bad dogs


Where I quote rap lyrics with only a hint of sarcasm.

I am currently hanging my head in shame because this is the best rant I've read yet about the whole Schiavo circus featuring liars, lying liars, and the incredible lying people who think they're right because a talking walnut told them they were.

It has made me realize and resolve a thing or two.

One, I never keep resolutions and I hereby resolve to change that.

Two, I have a hard time telling the difference between respecting other people's opinions (good), defending their right to illogical thinking and pedantic dogma (good), and not caring about what other people think (?). I respect other people's opinions and I would die (that's right! I said DIE mothafucka DIE mothafucka DIE!!) defending their right to be wrong. Flag burning? Heinous, but OK by me because freedom of expression is what that flag is about and burning it only makes the ideals behind it stronger. Burn it! And roast marshmallows over the flames! Make smores! No real harm done. The ACLU defending the Ku Klux Kl@n? I get it. The fact that the klansmen hate the ACLU only makes the irony more delicious.

So, I hereby resolve that if other people don't have the same opinion as I do (i.e., they are wrong), then I will no longer water down what I'm saying in order to avoid offending these people with my opinion. As a matter of fact, I might have a flying monkey or two (they're real!) drop some "opinion" on people's heads.

Let the woman die. That's what she wanted. That's what she said. That's what any reasonable human being with a neuron left would ask for. When your head becomes full of goo and you are no longer a human being by any reasonable measure of human-ness (being the size and shape of something doesn't make you that thing, by the way), then, if you're lucky, someone that you trust will do what you want.

In other news, someone filled me in on a fabulous service that could come in handy with my neighbor situation. I mean, 1-800-BURN-POO was a great idea, but this is an actual company that will send an actual fecalgram to an actual registered sex offender. If I can get comments from ten unique individuals in support of this plan, I'm doing it.

In Bad Dog news, it is clear to me now that puddle water tastes much better than that crap that comes out of the faucet. I may even begin to drink it myself because it's so delicious that sometimes you have to drink a whole puddle all of the way down to the dirt.

It is also clear that while toys are fun to destroy, it's also very entertaining to take plastic stuff out of the recycling box and begin the recycling process by rendering the plastic stuff into tiny, sharp shards that are impossible to vacuum out of the rug. Those shards hurt the people's feet, and that's good if you're a dog. I don't know why.

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birth & death