There are no bad owners, only bad dogs


Your results say that you may hurt yourself often.

If it's true that anything that doesn't kill me makes me stronger, then I am one motherfuckin-asskickin-queen-of-all-I-see bitch, so don't you dare even look at me wrong or I will rain vengence down upon you, cockroach. It is my last day of a miserable 6-month assignment and I am so ready to be home.

Yesterday I sent 6 large boxes of crap home. Today I am sending 7 more. I don't understand this, since I bought absolutely no shoes or clothes for 6 whole months (a feat never before [or again] accomplished) except for a small Old Navy mail order for a warmer coat. Six months!! NO NEW SHOES! Do you understand how hard that was??

How did I accumulate 13 boxes of crap in addition to my two behemoth suitcases? Well, one box is filled with nothing but British potato chips, since "someone" developed a bit of crisp jones while over here. I don't know where the rest came from. I've given away stacks of DVDs and books, I'm taking stuff to Oxfam later, yet I still have 13 boxes.

I also had the inability to sleep last night, due to the fear of still being asleep when the taxi came this morning. It was booked for 9 a.m., so naturally my body woke me up all by itself at 4 a.m. so I'd be ready when the cab got there. Thanks, internal clock! If I hadn't had that extra 5 fucking hours to pack and sort, I certainly wouldn't have been prepared! Asshole internal clock. I bet you'll pull that same crap tomorrow.

I just checked the inflight info for my trip -- the movie is "Shall We Dance?" Aaaah! Noooo, not JLo!! Pleeeeeeze, no no no no. Of course, there's always Judging Amy and Touched by an Angel... Why can't American Airlines partner with a good TV network? The only jewel is the Late Show with my pretend boyfriend David Letterman. Maybe I'll just read or sleep or just MAYBE I'll be on a flight with the Personal Entertainment Devices, which I thought might be a big vibrating dildo or strippers or something personal and entertaining like that, but it turns out it's a dvd player and a bunch of recent movies.

At big companies such as the one I work for, the HR departments love to waste our money on all kinds of weird stuff, like parties no one wants to attend, etc. Recently the cash vacuum has been a personality test that is supposed to help you be a better worker bee. I was in the first group to take the test and my results were quite completely unsurprising -- I was way on the end of the flaky spectrum, making me an innovator or summink like that. Greg just got his results back and it turns out that he has no warmth, no compassion, and no empathy. In other words, our company spent money to tell us what we already knew. Thank god for HR. What would we do without them?

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