There are no bad owners, only bad dogs


Ding Dong, part 2

When I was teaching, I used to say stupid crap to my students such as "The only people who are bored are people who are boring. Interesting people are never bored."

What a load. I'm bored.

In my defense, this was frequently in response to such gems as "Why we gotta read dis? Lord of the Flies is boring." Which it isn't. Boys hunting each other with spears? How could anyone be bored by that? With no Lord of the Flies, there would be no Survivor. I don't know if that defends or condemns the book, but I do know that it's not boring.

I, on the other hand, must be boring, because I am so bored.

Other dumb things I said to my students (grades 9 and 10):

Me: Don't patronize me, Darren. (I said it the wrong way)
Darren: I'll shop at any English Teacher I want.

Situation: Kid brought a gecko in a glass jar to school for Biology. Brought the jarred gecko to English, where it was distracting everyone. One kid took the jar and started shaking it.

Me: Stop shaking Mike's lizard!

My brain said: I think I'm losing my mind! I think I'm going nuts!

My mouth said: I think I'm losing my nuts!

Funny things my students said to me:

I don't like tequila. I drank too much of it in middle school.

Is it normal to have blood in your pee?

You look just like that actress, Cameron Diaz. You know, in that weird movie. Being John Malkovich.

Speaking of which, I should add John Malkovich to my list of ugly/attractive men.

Dumb things my students wrote:

I don't understand my testes.

The theme of the Scarlet Letter is that you got to be careful who you knock boots with.

I have an important question for anyone: In the first 3 episodes of Desperate Housewives, Felicity Huffman's character had 4 children: three 6-year-old boys and an infant. In last night's episode (we're only on episode 4 here), she seemed to have only the 6-year-old twins. The infant may have been sleeping, but what happened to the incremental boy? And why is the teacher always the bad guy?

Twenty five days to go. Yay! (Not counting today or leaving day.)Essentially, that's 3 working weeks, during one of which this person
will be gone. Yay!

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