There are no bad owners, only bad dogs



So today I have an appointment at 12:30 to go see the head HR guy and tell him what's gone wrong over the past two months. Maybe I should just send him a link to here and let him browse. It might be easier than explaining my "pig in a minefield" simile, which I don't know if they have here. Just last week, I said something about someone "being in left field" and got blank stares. You never know. I thought they had left field in cricket, but apparently they're too busy concentrating on keeping grass stains off their gay-ass white uniforms.

Speaking of gay-ass, I am not happy with the turn the language of the youth of America has taken. Specifically, I really dislike the fact that the term "gay" is negative and the term "pimp" is positive relative to one's fashion choices. I mean, if someone's clothes look gay, that should be the highest compliment you can give. Really. Who dresses better? Not pimps, I can guarantee. The next time my kid tells me he wants to look pimpin', I'm going to force him to wear a big furry hat. That'll teach him, linguistically speaking.

Weekend recap: Got lost driving to Stonehenge because my navigator fell asleep in the car. Drove waaay past the exit before I realized what was up. Went to the next big city, Gloucester. Gloucester smelled like fish mixed with ass. The downtown looked a lot like the seedier areas of downtown Buffalo in the 70s. Scary. We didn't even get out of the car. We just took the scenic route back to Oxford. Navigator fell asleep again. Damn kids. It really was very scenic, though. It looked a lot like that modern-day Nirvana, Wisconsin. The cows were all black and white with normal sized horns and no big hump on their back.

Last week the Pakistani secretary told me that Nostradamus had predicted an apocalyptic war started by three leaders whose names all begin with "B." That's why she was hoping Kerry would win. The other 2 B's, of course, are bin Laden and Blair. Maybe it's just me being americentric (I may have just invented that word), but I don't see Blair as being a big dog in the whole world scene. What about other predictions that Nostradamus made? Did he say that Destiny's Child would release a new album? That seems like the pathway to madness, if you ax me.

I had another Algernon moment this weekend. I was working on a crossword puzzle and one of the clues was "Russian mystic." It started with R. I knew damn well what the answer was (somewhere in my brain that was inaccessible). All I could get out of the accessible part of my brain was Rumplestiltskin. I think I'm developing a new soft spot on the top of my head.

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