Why doesn�t this happen? Maybe because I�m too lazy to apply to be on any of these makeover shows. Maybe it�s because I�m not the right �type� of person to be rehabilitated on TV. Maybe life just isn�t fair. Probably the first.
I�ve been told that I�m a Katy whore. So? What if I am? I mean, who can resist the infinite appeal of the Pit Bull/Beagle mix? You�ve got all of the worst traits of both breeds, mixed into one incredibly cute, incredibly busy package. Do you know anyone else who has a calico dog, for fuck�s sake? I don�t. Do you know any other female dog who decided to lift her leg to pee and then taught herself to do it? I don�t know anyone else on the planet who has 7 nipples. What about a 30-pound dog who takes on 3 chocolate labs (a combined weight of 160 pounds)? Scrappy. What�s not to adore?
Tonight I decided to take a small measure of revenge on Carl the Nasty Neighbor. I walked past his house holding a bag of fresh, hot dog crap, and something just came over me. It doesn�t really matter if you throw like a girl if you�re throwing dog shit and it hits the target.
I can't tell you how many times I've been sitting in my cubicle wondering "What's that horrible smell?" and then realized it was me. My cats went through a period of resentment that led to a lot of peeing on my clothes. I just found a small spot of anal gland juice on my shirt. I believe that the mommy cat left it there.
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