There are no bad owners, only bad dogs


Tropical punch

There's a guy who works here who has an enormous bulge on the side of his head. There was speculation early on that this bulge would migrate all over his head, but it seems to be staying put. "What's in that bulge?" we all wondered. One guess was "brain slug," but that seemed unlikely to me. Another guess was that he had one pouch of Capri Sun stashed in his head, which led to a plot to jam a juice box pointy straw in there and see what shoots out. This suggestion led to the best nickname ever, which is Juice Box.

"Hey, I saw Juice Box actually walk to his car today," for example.

I noticed recently, though, that if I could just have a tan and a pink indelible marker and 20 minutes alone with that head, I could help everyone else realize that it's actually a big boob up there.

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birth & death