There are no bad owners, only bad dogs

2006-09-17

Blame Canada.

Last week I spent some significant amount of time googling the search string “Lukas Rossi ridiculous travesty simpering monosyllabic twit” because I had briefly forgotten that people are generally stupid and while few 13- and 14-year olds voted in 2004, American voters tend to get it wrong, so, why be surprised? It’s just that since Tommy Lee went to college, I thought he would have gained enough sense to pick the dude who was a) attractive, b) talented, c) didn’t stagger spastically around the stage. So all I have left for now is Project Runway (until Top Chef starts again next month). Even Dilana might have been better.

And speaking of PR, I have had a change of allegiance, although it may cost me a friend (sorry, Steph). I have begun to like the redhead quite a bit more, although I don’t always like what she makes, as I had a Barbie dress that looked like her couture creation. But I’ve decided that she’s more likeable than I initially gave her credit for. Thank dog Kayne is gone – I mean, I like gay men as much as most women do, but he was just annoying. The final 4 is very strong and I don’t really know who the final 3 will be. Ulli and Jeffrey are wild cards because both have been tagged as one-trick ponies. But none of them is analogous to that worthless piece of crap, Lukas Rossi.

I actually do leave the television on occasion (although not when I was sick, although I watched with my eyes shut a lot), and at those times, I sometimes go to work. EduMart is spiraling downward with ever-accelerating speed, heading toward Earth, where it will augur in with some kind of spectacular explosive display. We have a new CEO who has been labeled as a “turnaround specialist,” and it seems that he is dusting us off so that he can take us to market and sell us to anyone who is willing to take on an enterprise that has essentially become a cluster-fuck factory. The hiring freeze is already on, and the RIF is soon to follow. You know, reduction in force. That’s the charming euphemism for shitcanning people that is being used lately. Not that there aren’t plenty of people who need shitcanning, it’s just that they never choose them when they’re handing out the colored folders. So life at EduMart has been interesting in that bad way. The daily news usually includes a “Who Quit Today” segment along with the “Why Does He Still Work Here?” discussion. In the meantime, I would chew through my own leg to get free of the program that I work on, because the clients have morphed into royal mean-spirited pains in the ass, whereas they used to be very nice pains in the ass. So I’m just hanging on to the possibility that my consulting gig can turn into full-time work for an eccentric millionaire. And if it does AND I get RIFed, then hello, severance package!

In unrelated work news, we had a corporate spelling bee a couple of weeks ago before I got sick. I didn’t expect to win due to the fact that I work with a lot of editors, but on the other hand, I did see the words “dickbill platypus” in print once, so… So, you know, there were only like 10 or 11 competitors because I work with a lot of dorks, but most are too busy for a spelling bee. Practice round – no problem. Round 1 – fine, although the other competitors are taking too long to get to the microphone and the moron they found to read the words couldn’t pronounce most of them. Round 2 – no real problem. Round 3 – I was given a non-word to spell, so I spelled it wrong. I know the word comrade, as do most of us. And I understand the concept of camaraderie, also. But comradeliness? Who the hell has ever used this word, which is a synonym for camaraderie, which is a word that Word doesn’t put a squiggly line under. So I had to guess, and I picked the wrong pony. I tried to use camaraderie as a base, which it isn’t. Bastards. I have filed an official protest. I expect no response. Maybe a pink slip.

The greggers’ mentor may also be leaving EduMart soon, meaning that he may have to buy a suit and write a resume. The good, smart people are leaving like rats, and if it hadn’t been for the possibility of a fabulous job upcoming, I’d be gone too.

So, that’s what has been happening. Now a question for BlanketMan: Could it be that PusBoy has had an unsettling medical diagnosis? He doesn’t seem to have any immune system at all. Although having a bad case of crabs didn’t seem to dampen his mood… And YES you did tell me that you are married!! I have a gift to send you (really, for your lovely bride). It’s a t-shirt that says “Everything’s Bigger in Texas.” In case you ever need some (ahem) marital help, you know.

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