There are no bad owners, only bad dogs

2005-08-23

I'm thinking of getting a Navy SEAL to help organize my closets.

I was informed today (in a rather snotty fashion) that I�m way out of the loop because I was excited about the new season of The Apprentice featuring Martha Stewart and everyone else knew about it YEARS ago, which makes me a big fat loser. Also, I was late to the party concerning a very dangerous show on the Fine Living channel (that I�m even allowed to watch this channel is a tribute to our freedom [which the terrorists hate]) called The Thirsty Traveler, which is a �travel� show that�s really about drinking. Why don�t I have that job? Oh, because I�m neither talented nor interesting, nor will I allow myself to be filmed or photographed.

So, my favorite pair of Harley-Davidson black leather clogs make my feet smell rancid, but I can�t stop wearing them because they go with everything, but I do have to remember not to kick them off under my desk at work unless I want people to think I�m eating a limburger/sardine sammich for lunch.

That fucking Burger King ad campaign is so horrifyingly scary � that wax king murders people when they�re sleeping. I�m sure of it. Do people really respond in a positive way vis a vis fast food purchases when they get the shit scared out of them? By a waxy dead-eyed false idol?

I have developed a new policy of standing up and leaving a meeting whenever someone says ��at the end of the day�� or ��the bottom line is�� And if I am the person who utters one of these phrases, I will not only stand up and leave, but then combust spontaneously.

Last evening I dined with someone who�s having a neighbor feud (I�m no stranger), but claims that her neighbor took revenge upon her for having a stone wall that touches his property by breaking into her house and � re-arranging her furniture. Is it just me, or is this the weirdest thing you�ve ever heard? It works both ways, whether it�s true or not (I vote for �not�). Also, apparently this dude is an ex-Marine. And he�s fucking re-arranging furniture? Seems highly unlikely�

It probably explains everything to know that I graduated from here . Twice.

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