There are no bad owners, only bad dogs

2005-07-20

A Voyage through the Doldrums.

Tag you're it! List 5 things that society in general apparently enjoys or tolerates that you just don't get. Then tag five more bloggers to do the same. (if there's any one left & you haven't already played this game) Enjoy!!

Often have I realized that adult life is just like middle school which leads to me always being picked last, not really understanding what�s going on around me, daydreaming through the dissemination of important information, and wearing socks that don�t match. But thank you, Ruby, because this is going to be therapeutic AND cathartic. There�s just so very much that I don�t get, it will be hard to limit it to five. I shall cheat by naming broad categories in some cases and the Internet will just have to lump it.

1. Republicans, conservatives, Bush-voters, listeners to AM talk radio: You people voted for this wiener?! Just this morning, I heard him refer to noo-kew-lar power pants. What? Stay on the page, Bubba. When your thoughts wander, people die. (If you�re a fiscal conservative, then I don�t count you in this mix, by the way.) What I don�t get is how you can say you�re pro-life but then you�re in favor of the death penalty. How you can be pro-life, but you don�t want to pay for these children to have decent homes, food, and schools. How you�re in favor of this war in Iraq, but you didn�t volunteer your ass or your children�s asses to go over there and support your words with your lives. Let other people�s (poor people, brown people) kids go! (See pro-life, above.) How do you accommodate so much contradiction in your minds? I�m pro-life and I carry this gun to prove it!
2. People who have exotic pets: Iguanas, chinchillas, ferrets, snakes, sugar gliders, etc. Are you aware of just how many perfectly serviceable dogs and cats (we call these �domesticated� animals, unlike the critters you prefer) are euthanized, killed, every day in this country? Do you really think that having that unusual, quirky, odd pet makes you cool? Can�t you garner any attention for your own personality and originality? Oh, I see. You�re a dullard, but you crave the spotlight, so you acquire it through the acquisition of a pet that brings you attention instead of hauling your ass down to the animal shelter. By the way, this category includes also individuals who insist on having a long-haired white kitten instead of your sturdy alley-cat variety.
3. French pedicures: It just looks like you need to trim your toenails. It�s gross.
4. Capri pants: Just say no.
5. Pick-up trucks, SUVs, big-ass vehicles: If you�re a farmer, a tradesman, an artisan, or a laborer, you are welcome to own one of these. They were designed especially for you! Put your tools or hay or whatever in the back � woo hoo! If you live within the city limits of any city, work in an office, classroom, store, etc., then you should not be allowed to drive any of these. What, is your dick so small?

Well, I�m not sure if I really feel better or if I�ve just gotten myself all riled up over nothing.

Recently I have been having bizarrely vivid and realistic dreams. This morning when I woke up, I was quite certain that I�d chased a door to door hippie magazine saleswoman out of my yard and that I�d fired the guy who mows the lawn. I kept wondering why I was so angry with the magazine woman � I mean, I dislike intensely that someone can just knock on my door and disturb me to tell me that they are selling magazines to raise money for drug rehab or whatever. Release the hounds! But it was so real! The only thing that causes me to realize that it didn�t really happen is that in my memory of this �incident,� Buster was outside in the front yard and I was inside. Also, I was yelling at her through the window screen. I have storm windows on most of my windows and I have still not yet figured out how to open them, so I couldn�t have been yelling through a window screen. And Buster doesn�t just hang out in the front yard by himself. Anyhoo. I just don�t understand why, if my dreams are going to be so realistic, they�re about the yard man and chasing hippies. Why was I not having mad, passionate fun and adventure? Why wasn�t I speaking French with Johnny Depp? Hookers and blow with Hemingway? (Ernest, not Margaux.) The yard man? Jeez.

9 comments so far

birth & death