There are no bad owners, only bad dogs

2005-06-14

I love the smell of Labrador in the morning...

Things are back the way they should be: I have my monkey and my dogs back home. The monkey gave his newly redecorated room a rating of “Pimpin’,” which is the highest rating on that scale (the lowest rating, ironically and inaccurately, would have been “Gay.” If I could get a room to look gay, I’d switch careers). He got the clunky old computer (powered not by Pentium but by an old squirrel running in a wheel) operating and now needs only a wireless card to be downloading all the porn and pirated crap he needs.

The dogs came back from dog camp dog tired. Buster slept about 10 hours straight because being in charge of 4 other dogs is much more draining than just being in charge of one small idiot, apparently. They are back to smelling doggy-licious, but I’m not bathing them again any time soon.

My boss is applying for a job in another company, a thought that fills me with dread and fear. She is (ahem) not universally liked, often for good reason, so I’ve got that going for me if she leaves. The constant reorganization of EduMart has left a Nazi and a couple of Fascists in charge (the trains are now running on time) and I don’t really relish the thought of working for any of them. I think my boss may be trying to groom me to replace her, but that would be like being in charge of the Island of Misfit Toys. Plus, I’d have to learn a lot of crap about budgets and me no likee budgets.

I have decided that the Strange Employee of the Month is this woman – I’ll call her Hermione – who is an adult who is obsessed with Harry Potter (AOHP – it’ll be in the DSM VII manual, just wait and see). On the day of the release of the first HP film, she came to work with a lightning bolt made of Swarovski crystals glued to her forehead. And she kept it there all freaking day. All of her clothes – and she has a vast wardrobe, VAST! – is made up of clothing from circa 1975. Not that Dress for Success crap, either. (An aside: My favorite chapter of Dress for Success is titled “Bedroom or Boardroom?” That’s genius.) No navy blue suit with a blouse that softly knots at the neck. She’s all about the really big Linda Evans shoulder pads, the peplum waists, the brightly colored matching shoes, the 3-inch wide belts… It’s all there. Talking to her is a trip in the Wayback Machine. Congratulations, Hermione! You’re the Freak of the Week!

At the CrappyOnlineUniversity conference from which I have just returned, there was one girl there that I began referring to as What Not to Wear-girl. She’s an employee of the university, and thus was quite visible at this deal. Among her ensembles that Clinton and Stacy would surely throw in the trash: the polyester low-rise pants that showed off a good 2 inches of her ass crack; the frilly tie-between-the-boobs shrug that was too small and threatening to blow at any moment, and the ruffled green mess that defies description but looked a lot like lettuce. One problem with her attire was that it was too small both in size and style for her, as she is a substantial girl. But she was a substantial girl who could have looked attractive without so much buttcrack showing.

3 comments so far

birth & death